It always makes my smile when I realise that there is a theme of some sort running through my life. For the past few weeks it’s been one that involves speaking, when to say something and when to shut your mouth and listen! Also noticing when I feel compelled to speak whether it’s because I think I’ve got something outrageously interesting or important to say or just to fill a SILENCE.
Then there’s the noticing the self critical voice that tells me I have nothing to say and I’m full of shit( there have definitely been occasions) That’s a big one, it’s a mean one. And I didn’t pull it out of the air. Through working with a counselor I’ve really started to examine that one. She’s been telling me to find my voice. I thought this was hilarious as I never seem to stop “expressing “ myself. It’s only through working with her and truly understanding that it comes from never feeling heard or listened to and the constant chattering was (a) a very badly thought out way of trying to be understood and (b) an absolute fear of silence. Progress…at last.
So then there’s the filling the silence.
I’m not great at this one and I’m not the only one. I see it at meetings all the time. Again, I’m starting to understand what this is about, for me anyway. It’s part hating the awkward silence on behalf of other people ( I have no control over other people, places and things, note to self) and from a personal perspective, what that silence has meant in the past. Silence= what the fuck is going to happen next?
So it’s been about growth this month and very much also learning to listen. This is another theme that has come up. It’s seems to me that it’s SO important to almost everyone I know that they feel heard. It can be incredibly hurtful to share something with someone only to realise by the glazed look in their eye that they have not heard a word and are probably having a “ Homer” moment.
In other news, it’s Mo-vember this month. Where Tom Selleck is the honorary patron saint and my own husband is sporting his own moustache(hilariously comes up as moist ache in spellcheck) in aid of the men’s cancer charity. I have a confession here, I kind of dig it…shhhhh. As I can’t grow my own( no jokes) I ran the Mo run last Saturday in the Phoenix Park here in Dublin. A beautiful morning and a not so fast run but thats ok🙂 Plus there were cool medals…yes I am a child.
And to end the post a huge congrats to my super duper hubs who trained hard to get his amazing result in the Dublin Marathon, you rock honey, And also a shout out to fellow blogger Cat h Bradley who completed the New York marathon, you’re an inspiration. I’ll finish with a photo I took of the rather majestic deer that reside in our park who could not give one shit about awkward silences, love to yis all S x