A week in pictures

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We all have a little bit of Alanis in us…car karaoke.

Myself and UM have just returned from what was probably the most relaxing week I’ve had in…a VERY long time. I didn’t run once, I swam a couple of times and managed a very leisurely 30 mile bike ride. I ATE a lot…it was fab. So here it is…

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Wall art, Waterford. Artist Joe Caslin
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Dungarvan Harbour
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Feather,Copper Coast
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Waterford Greenway
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This bike transformed me into a teenager…just short of pulling wheelies

The above photos bear witness to my weird side, I love a good creepy doll.

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Got him to stand still long enough to get a photo

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Titanic Quarter, well worth the visit.

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Belfast…love you❤️
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I don’t normally insta food but I’ll be running this off for weeks. Mighty.

So back to work, on a 50 hr week and a new running program , I can already smell Autumn and planning our next trip for ” the big birthday ” for UM in November. But until next time , hope you are all well and happy S x

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One of those selfie things

Great expectations…

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Miss Havisham wondering how many likes her recent post on Facebook has gotten

Trigger alert…may contain sensitive subject matter re. Suicide.

It’s taken me a good while to write this, haven’t been feeling totally brilliant but didn’t want the blog to be yet another flash in the pan validation exercise for me, and also I’ve had some pretty difficult days anxiety wise so whatever I wrote would probably have had you running for the trees.

An incident with a friend recently left me whacked emotionally, I won’t go into it but there were accusations of being selfish, not making an effort. Now, I can honestly say I try SO hard to do my best, at home ,at work,at play. But I have a way of life that tells me I have to find my part in things. So I self examined and came up with my part…the people pleaser. Always trying to keep the peace and keep people happy. Don’t show anger, don’t show annoyance etcetc…except of course for those nearest and dearest to us. The people who ACTUALLY count.

It doesn’t sound like it was a big deal but for some reason it hit me hard, like really hard. I went to a place where I honestly believed that nothing I did was good enough,and believe me before anyone starts with the pull your big girl pants on shit, I felt unbelievably low. It brought  up so many feelings of letting people down and never being good enough.  If I’m my true self that won’t be good enough which today of course I know is horse shit but at the time…

It made my think of how I would have dealt with these feelings in the past,picked up( not an option) gone on face book, posted a photo of me looking ” hot” crrriiinnngeeee. See how many likes you get= I matter. Control my food intake.Some short term fix, usually not a good one.I don’t have these options any more so how do I deal with my feelings when it gets too much? I have to start with understanding where they come from,old stuff. Then I can start dealing with it in a healthy way. One where I grow in a safe environment,see a shrink basically.

A very old friend of mine died by suicide 6 years ago this month. He was soooo cool, an absolute dude. ( Brought me to my very first date to meet my now husband on the back of his moterbike) Very sharp tongue, very smart. His suicide note said that he couldn’t go on, he was constantly disappointing people and being disappointed… by people. I totally get it. But I wish I could have told  him there is hope. And by hanging out with the right people, the ones that love us for the good bits and our other more difficult human traits.

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The ones wot love me❤️

It’s been a difficult few weeks, I’ve gotten a few runs in with plans for a run later on this year in November for Mo-vember. It’s been a dark few hours but ironically as we head towards the darker, longer nights things are looking a bit brighter for me again.

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Very important advice