The sound of silence

 

It always makes my smile when I realise that there is a theme of some sort running through my life. For the past few weeks it’s been one that involves speaking, when to say something and when to shut your mouth and listen! Also noticing when I feel compelled to speak whether it’s because I think I’ve got something outrageously interesting or important to say or just to fill a           SILENCE.

Then there’s the noticing the self critical voice that tells me I have nothing to say and I’m full of shit( there have definitely been occasions) That’s a big one, it’s a mean one. And I didn’t pull it out of the air. Through working with a counselor I’ve really started to examine that one. She’s been telling me to find my voice. I thought this was hilarious as I never seem to stop “expressing “ myself. It’s only through working with her and truly understanding that it comes from never feeling heard or listened to and the constant chattering was (a) a very badly thought out way of trying to be understood and (b) an absolute fear of silence. Progress…at last.

So then there’s the filling the silence.

 

 

I’m not great at this one and I’m not the only one. I see it at meetings all the time. Again, I’m starting to understand what this is about, for me anyway. It’s part hating the awkward silence on behalf of other people ( I have no control over other people, places and things, note to self) and from a personal perspective, what that silence has meant in the past. Silence= what the fuck is going to happen next?

So it’s been about growth this month and very much also learning to listen. This is another theme that has come up. It’s seems to me that it’s SO important to almost everyone I know that they feel heard. It can be incredibly hurtful to share something with someone only to realise by the glazed look in their eye that they have not heard a word and are probably having a “ Homer” moment.

In other news, it’s Mo-vember this month. Where Tom Selleck is the honorary patron saint and my own husband is sporting his own moustache(hilariously comes up as moist ache in spellcheck) in aid of the men’s cancer charity. I have a confession here, I kind of dig it…shhhhh. As I can’t grow my own( no jokes) I ran the Mo run last Saturday in the Phoenix Park here in Dublin. A beautiful morning and a not so fast run but thats ok🙂 Plus there were cool medals…yes I am a child.

 

 

And to end the post a huge congrats to my super duper hubs who trained hard to get his amazing result in the Dublin Marathon, you rock honey, And also a shout out to fellow blogger Cat h Bradley who completed the New York marathon, you’re an inspiration. I’ll finish with a photo I took of the rather majestic deer that reside in our park who could not give one shit about awkward silences, love to yis all S x

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20 thoughts on “The sound of silence

  1. CJ November 7, 2017 / 1:34 pm

    NAHthing like pretty bling! well done you!!!!
    Now, since putting something in the post to you, i have been trying to figure our how to say your name… phonetically, is it like Sur Sha? OMG put me out my misery *lololololol* pleeeese. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • saoirsek November 7, 2017 / 1:36 pm

      Sear rhymes with ear and sha so sear-sha Gaelic for freedom and liberty. Thank you so much for the bracelet, you are a ledge x

      Liked by 1 person

      • CJ November 7, 2017 / 1:47 pm

        ha ha… bracelet? what bracelet?

        kidding… yip, on its way!

        KEWL name! Never heard it before you know… I did have a Siobhan at school with me though! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • saoirsek November 7, 2017 / 1:49 pm

        Haha, yes, it was pretty rare when I was young but it’s getting pretty popular now with Saoirse Ronan🙂 My mother in law in English and has always called me Scourge but in a nice way…I think 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      • CJ November 7, 2017 / 2:06 pm

        Funny cos every time I see your name like here on the WP app, I heard ‘swarsek’ in my head! I now have the Saoirse ear worm going round and round… 😂😂😂
        Lovely name! 😘

        Liked by 1 person

  2. SlowRunnerGirl November 7, 2017 / 8:05 pm

    Congrats on the bling! In relation to listening … have you ever heard of ‘clean language’? Very powerful …

    Liked by 1 person

    • saoirsek November 7, 2017 / 8:54 pm

      I haven’t, I hope it not to do with not using expletives, I need them! I don’t have any “ bold” behaviour any more!, but I’ll look it up ta x
      Update. I’ve just checked it out VERY interesting.

      Like

      • SlowRunnerGirl November 8, 2017 / 6:22 am

        What I like about it and use it for is listening. Imho this is the best way to listen to someone. It is also a great tool in coaching. And there is a whole lotta swearing going on mostly as that is kind of the language we fall into to express thoughts, once we don’t wear masks.

        Liked by 2 people

      • CJ November 8, 2017 / 8:35 am

        With my kid and what has gone on this year with him… OH MY have had to learn to listen… to embrace silences and to actually listen and HEAR him, ask questions, ask the RIGHT questions in the right way.
        NOW, now that he is growing and has had to deal with trauma, anxiety and depression, it has totally changed how I react to him. Its been a huge learning curve for me and its helped me in so many ways that I would never have expected.
        I listen and HEAR him all of the time now… I take it all in, talk it through with him and help him deal with the ‘silences’ he doesn’t understand. Our relationship has grown such trust.
        I now also understand that he sometimes just needs that quiet, that silence. I don’t get anxious about it and become a neurotic bundle of nerves. We still have a way to go.
        @SlowRunnerGirl – going to check that out too… looks V interesting!!!! xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      • SlowRunnerGirl November 8, 2017 / 8:55 am

        CJ If you are into listening check out the book ‘time to think’ by Nancy Kline. I am paraphrasing but she says: this way to listen is radical. Lol now I want to read it again … there goes my productivity.

        Liked by 1 person

      • CJ November 8, 2017 / 10:59 am

        😂 my productivity is totally f***ed so maybe now is a good time for me too!!!

        Like

  3. cat h bradley November 7, 2017 / 8:08 pm

    Ok first off–I am really hoping my waterworks dry out eventually. Your little shout out at the end of this post totally made me tear up and i fear the crying is NEVER going to stop. Make it stop Saoirse!!
    Anyway, I really love this post. I feel like how I deal with silence has taught me a lot about my growth and comfort in my own skin over the years. I think one of my favorite things about my hubs is that we can sit comfortably in silence–I def cannot do that with everyone! Also, as I get older, def learning that silence has it’s place–especially for listening, as you are saying here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • saoirsek November 7, 2017 / 8:47 pm

      Crying is good, all my favorite people enjoy a good old cry S xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Paul S November 11, 2017 / 12:08 am

    I hear this about the silence thing. Meetings are fun to see people sweat and shake when there is a great chunk of silence. I dig it. I used to freak out, but now I just take it in. It has taken me a long time to enjoy silence. I used to fill it in alllllll the time. I blathered on and on and hated the sound of silence because that meant I had to listen to my own critical voice. Now I can calm down and take it in. This is where mediation really helped me, and still does. But I get everything you say. Totally!

    And hey – congrats on the bling! That’s great!

    Cheers
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

  5. shehidbehindtheglass November 14, 2017 / 9:19 pm

    I moustache you a question…. are those seriously moustache shaped medals?! THAT’S AWESOME!! 😀
    Also, now I finally know how to pronounce your name! Every time I have read it I always think “Say-or-sek” in my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    • saoirsek November 15, 2017 / 11:30 am

      They are the best medals, yes, my name is spelt nothing like it sounds. It didn’t help that I added a k at the end🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Mark David Goodson November 20, 2017 / 7:47 pm

    Well done! A Marathon? That’s impressive. I did a 5K once and I don’t know if I can ever run that long again for the rest of my life.

    Silences should be embraced, I think. Although I don’t do it often. I think it’s a good sort of spiritual barometer. Like driving. The way I act behind the wheel or how I take to silence is a good indicator of my spiritual condition.

    Liked by 1 person

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